After turning 40, I began to see a change in the way that people perceived things and life: more often than not, most want to shy away from the real, even though it is blatantly staring them right in the face.
And they look puzzled when I walk away, head in hand, trying to realize how someone can say something so stupid and idiotic, yet moronic to me, and think that it makes sense.
I took a daring risk for me. I decided, unequivocally, to move forward in my life with the aspect of moving to a dream job, and letting myself be more well-rounded than the masses. The scary thing for me is that I am still a woman in tech, black in skin, and dark in nature, but comically funny in nerdom. There is no place for me in the real world, so I know that I walk alone in this manner.
When I became the lesbian that I am today, I knew no one would outright accept me all the time. I began to understand, little by little, that the main point of people’s perception was to show you that they did or did not accept you for who you are. It’s based on antiquated technology that proves in some sort of small-minded fashion that you do or do not belong to their group. As though… their group was the only one that existed and/or mattered? I’m not sure, but I guess with small-mindedness, being a part of the normal steed is a regular. I don’t get it most times. And they look puzzled when I walk away, head in hand, trying to realize how someone can say something so stupid and idiotic, yet moronic to me, and think that it makes sense. I already knew the “trouble” I’d be in, but I grossly underestimated the sheer insanity that small-mindedness would bring. Like REALLY underestimated. The assumptions are… staggering.
I had never really experienced it. I thought it was just fantasy, or exaggeration.
And yet, as we go out in the world, we trust these people – these moronic little imbeciles – to make decent and informative decisions. Then my partner told me something that hit the nail on the head: they don’t think, they want to be told what to do. Again, I’m quite sure that I’ve waxed philosophic on this topic many times, but I still find it baffling that these buffoons have not been weeded out of society. I heard the jokes about mindless managers being praised, about employees being staid into a job well beyond their comprehensive capacity to think logically, or just in general cutting off and demeaning the intelligent, well-meaning assistance for the brute force homo sapiens’ base instinctual process of the person who just looks like you, but is no where near as capable of doing the job. I had never really experienced it. I thought it was just fantasy, or exaggeration. Then the stories started pouring in, and I started to see it for myself.
Years went by, and I started to notice a pattern. I saw the buffoonery, I saw the ignorance, I saw the blatant disrespect for human life, and it became evident to me: they do want to be told what to do, because otherwise, they will do the most dangerous, basic, instinctual thing that their primary brains could think of. They don’t have a master. So, they don’t know what to do.
This often leads the relationship to becoming toxic, and a workhorse of a scenario to fight back from.
This seemed funny to me. Because in my experience, the people that needed masters are historically the ones that WERE… over slaves of color. But then I thought deeper: What if that is the ruse? What if, and follow me here, the masters needed someone to tell them what to do… and the slaves were the ones to let them know what to do… and by that, their ego told them to do the exact opposite of what the slaves wanted. Thus, everything perpetuated and unfolded?
You’re probably like, “Wait, are you saying that slaves were responsible for their own slavery?” Of course the heck not. I’m saying that people, these… drones… were following orders. Led by ego. And determined by doing the opposite of what they should do in a sad attempt to prove themselves smarter, more powerful, and thus more keen. Many humans that process this way seek to be more keen over their kin. They seek to feel better by schadenfreude. What better way by proving you’re more adept than the people you own?
Now, let’s take that analogy and apply it to the work situation. Many employees tell their management, repeatedly, what can be done to improve a scenario. Some management, not to be outdone, do exactly the opposite of what the employees implore. As a result, they harbor more control over the employee base, and decimate those that are perceived by others to be more agile, friendly, and cooperative, effectively destroying the employees’ personality, and turning the company workplace into a toxic environment.
The fault lies in the biases – unconscious or not – that we bring to the table.
In personal relationships (platonic or not), the same can be said. The weaker or more feeble-minded takes on a domineering personality, often asking the stronger one for advice, then turning against them by doing the complete opposite. This often leads the relationship to becoming toxic, and a workhorse of a scenario to fight back from. Although, many platonic ones fall to the side (ghosting, or disappearance through a slow lack of communication), while the romantic ones tend to bite on the fact that they don’t want to go through the emotional work of building that close of a connection again (and to be honest, who really wants to reveal their deepest, darkest secret to someone again… and then hope they still love you?). Even though, I will say in either scenario, walking away or cutting it off when it gets to that point is the best method, but I won’t promise that it’ll be easy to do.
In the scenarios listed – slavery, work, and relationships – all involve human to human contact. All of them involve humans making decisions about other humans. The fault lies in the biases – unconscious or not – that we bring to the table. Rather it be assuming that another person is dumb by an unscientifically-based denouncement, or the person is judging their own performance based on a bunch of superficial bullsh*t, humans have a difficult time being real with themselves and others, in general. So, it’s no surprise their behavior reeks of fake narratives and filtered perspectives on how to benefit society. The best we can do some days is to rip off the band aid, and reveal what’s underneath.