Walking alone in the dark

Image by SilentIvy @ DeviantArt

So, at 9:00PMish, tonight, I found myself walking what Google Maps said is 1.9 miles.

I was dropped off there… to actually go help with getting gas.

Instead, I was met with accusations of “not knowing” something that was totally unknown, and then consistently felt extremely small.

For some reason, people think that saying “I wasn’t intending to” is going to make all the difference from what seemed like something totally out of the blue.

Blaming it on “not feeling good” doesn’t work, either.

There is NO excuse to bring irrational anger out on anyone, ever.  And I have a strong belief that many of today’s parents lack the necessary teaching to show their children that irrational anger is never acceptable.

I live in a world with people who don’t give a sh*t about making me feel bad.

They’re not thinking, at all, that I might be tired, drained, and just plain wanting some piece of mind.

Instead, their society raises them to only think that I “need them”, so they treat me whatever way they so desire.

Something that I’ve learned after 36 years of life is that I never, ever, EVER have to deal with someone that will make me feel horrible just because THEY feel horrible.  I never have to accept that… and with that conclusion, I walked.

I choose to free myself from the restraints of societal stupidity… from people that feel that they must impose ignorance upon me, from elders who feel that they have no choice but to enslave me with their mentality, and from societies that refuse to allow me the freedom of choice.

I panic at the thought.

I panic because I’m not used to being free… I’m still a slave in society’s mind… and I was raised by slaves, so this behavior comes as second nature.

I have told people, time and time again, that I am tired of simplistic bullsh*t… of them sitting around and thinking that I am speaking about literalism when it’s really metaphors.  It makes me feel alone… and, as though I am walking around doing nothing but dealing with people who have been trained to think like circus animals.

I should have known better.

I should know that people are stupid and kind… evil and gracious… spirited but heathenish.

I am getting too old for this… for people thinking that they have the upper-hand and that walking in the dark, alone, is some sort of punishment for them.

I hate what humanity has dwindled down to… I hate that I have to sit around and wait for people to “think about what they said”… “think about what they did”… “try to understand from another’s perspective”.  There are times where I wish that selective process would take effect and isolate these individuals into some cauldron of society that would isolate them from my existence.  But… in a way… that’s already happened.

Every bold move I make angers an ignorant person.

Every courageous decision I enact infuriates a jealous individual.

I don’t care, anymore, if people become enraged because I speak the truth to them… they can go f*ck themselves… I just walked because of ignorance… I think that’s enough.

{NOTE: For those that take my writing completely literal, you have no idea of who I am.  If you sit there and say “Well, I’m not a slave, I don’t know what she’s talking about.” or “Why is she blaming my mom/dad/step-whatever for only trying to love her/him?” or find yourself in any of those trains of thought, or if you AGREE with any of them that you’ve ever let cross your mind, then I am too deep for you.}